MY CHILD IS RELOCATING - HOW DO I LET GO?

One of the hardest things a mother will learn to do as her child pursues a modeling career is to say good-bye. You'll have to say it more often than you ever imagined and it seems it never gets easier. I recently received an email from a mother whose daughter will be relocating to a new market to work this summer and she asked me how I let go of Sabrina. I thought that if she is facing this, maybe other mothers are wondering the same thing as well.
Some might think that sending your child off to work in or relocate to a new market is no different than sending them off to college. Not a chance! In college, they are going to a structured, safe environment with schedules and very likely, many of their old high school friends. So there is an instant community, familiarity. With modeling, they are flying off to the unknown, to a world of uncertainties where they may possibly know no one. It is a solo journey and each model's path will vary a little or a lot based on their look and level of commitment to their career. And in some cases, they may head to a foreign market where they don't even have language in common. So it's an exciting but often frightening situation for both parent and model.
But if you love and support your child in their career quest, then you must learn to say goodbye and let go. I'm assuming here of course that your child is not a minor, that they are over the age of 18 and able to travel alone. And truly, if you can't trust your child out on a Friday night in your own hometown, then you seriously need to reconsider allowing them to travel ANYWHERE!! If your child disrespects your house rules in your own town, what will she be like when she hits the temptations in South Beach? No, relocating and working in other markets is only for the mature and serious models who can control their behavior.
As Sabrina has pursued her career and worked, then moved, to other markets, I have had to put her on planes on Mother's Day. She has missed her own birthday at home, and missed being with me on mine. She has missed major family events, funerals, weddings, baby showers, graduations. It's a sacrifice she has had to make for the sake of her career. I pray for her daily until we can be reunited. And yes, I cry. Don't all mothers? But I never cry in front of her and I don't let her know that I do it. I need to be strong for her so she will in turn, have the strength to continue in that market so she can get those career breaks that every model so desperately needs.

How to ease the pain of missing your child? Get a cellphone if you don't already have one. I am embarrassed to admit how many times a day Sabrina and I call each other. Suffice it to say that we call each other whenever one of us needs to talk to the other! And get email. Your child can write some very poignant letters in the middle of the night when they can't sleep... letters and emails you will print out and save. And cherish.
If they are traveling in a foreign market, set aside a time each night, or every other night that they can call you. Since the model's schedule is crazy and unforgiving, be available when they call and don't make them flex around your schedule. Sabrina has called me at midnight, 2 a.m., 4 a.m., 6 a.m. Whenever she can finally get to a phone. And I don't care when that is, even if she has to wake me up. I need to know that she is safe. When they are overseas, change your phone calling plan and add whatever countries she is traveling in so your rates will be lower and you can talk longer. Since they will probably have to email you from internet cafes overseas, they can't check emails quite as often so don't burden them by writing too frequently. And send small care packages with items from home. But remember, whatever you send, they either have to leave behind, or pack in their luggage, so don't send too much or anything too large.
Take every opportunity to assure your child that everything is fine at home while they are traveling. Let them know that you are taking care of their bills, their dog, their stuff, keeping their car running. Update them on positive news and do your best to shield them from the negative or any problems in your family. They need to focus on the business at hand while they are away working, not on family issues. Try to keep them worry-free if at all possible.
And one very important thing I learned when Sabrina was working in Milan for a summer, let your child know that they are welcome to come home anytime they want if they get homesick. Most likely they won't really take you up on this offer, but its a huge burden lifted when they know they can leave if it's not happening for them in that market. These are kids in many respects, and they are not on vacation in these wonderful exotic places. They are working and may not even get to sightsee if they are booking out regularly or going on 10-14 castings a day. By the weekend, they are exhausted. Help take some of the pressure off by letting them know they have an "out" if they need it.
Before your child travels, cultivate contacts in the market they are relocating to. If you really ask around, you can find someone just about anywhere. Make sure there is an emergency contact in that market for your child. That will help both you and the model. Learn all you can about the city they are going to. Familiarity and knowledge helps to take the fear away. Go over basic principles of being safe... not reading maps in public, having a bag that zips closed, not "looking" like a tourist. (Be sure to read our 360 article on Safe Travel). Do your homework as a parent to make sure you both have a comfort level BEFORE they leave home. Take a trip to that market if possible, especially if it's domestic, to meet the agency they will be working for, to see the model apartment that they'll be living in, to pick up a city map and subway map. Get the names of other models who have worked that market from your agency so you can find out the pro's and con's in advance.
And remember that your child will welcome a visit from you. When Sabrina worked the Miami market, I took her there and stayed a few days while she settled in. I have family in Florida so they visited her regularly while she worked there. Now that Sabrina has relocated to the NY market, I try to visit her once a quarter. Several members of my family are planning a "Girl's Weekend" in NY with Sabrina this summer to go shopping, try out some wonderful restaurants and visit some of the museums. She will show us the sites of the city and give us a glimpse into her life. And of course, take us down to scoop up a few deals on Canal Street. No one has to know it's not really Prada, do they?
So learn how to let go, because it's so very necessary for your model's success. And if you need a shoulder to cry on, someone who understands what you are going thru, all the fears that are racing thru your mind, shoot me an email. I've been there sister!

 

Good Luck!
Laurie Sikora
Founder, The Model Mom's
(aka Sabrina's Mom)